Crushing On Carter
by RedSharkBait
Summary: Someone's in love...and Vala's going to find out who it is. A detective story, SG-1 style. Maybe a little OOC at times. Also featuring a Mitchell/Lam pairing.
1. Chapter 1

_I started this quite a while ago and recently came across the half-finished story again. It's just a silly little one- or two-shot piece, hope you like it! _

It was undeniably awkward. Carter looked back and forth between Daniel and O'Neill. O'Neill tried to avoid eye contact with Carter. Daniel shook his head and tried not to smile. Cam didn't even try, he let himself grin. _Uh-oh_, he thought to himself. _Somebody's in trouble._ He'd felt that the instant he walked around the corner with Carter, just in time for both of them to hear General O'Neill's ill-timed statement. At least, the tail end of it. All he and Carter heard was,

"…has a crush on Carter." The words had barely escaped the General's lips when he locked eyes with Carter. "Carter! What a surprise." He feigned ignorance as to the reason for the bemused look in Carter's eyes.

"Uhh…really? I do work here, Sir."

"That you do. So…"

"Sir, were you and Daniel just…talking about me?"

"Daniel? Were we talking about Carter?"

"I wasn't paying attention. Sorry, Jack."

"No problem. What did you hear, exactly?"

"You said someone has a…crush…on me."

"No I didn't. I said…Carver. Lam has a crush on Carver."

"Who's Carver?" Cam asked. O'Neill glared at him.

"You know, Lieutenant Carver...SG-4…I have to go, Landry's waiting." He stepped quickly past an incredulous Carter and an amused Mitchell.

"Daniel…" Carter began.

"Sam…" Daniel replied.

"What were you talking about?" She was most definitely _not_ amused.

"Like Jack said, Lam. And her…feelings."

"You're lying."

"I…have an artifact to translate." Daniel attempted lamely before hurrying away.

"Daniel!" Carter shouted at his departing back.

"I can't talk about it, Sam!" He said over his shoulder.

"You..." Carter's voice trailed off as she tried to think of a reply. Then she noticed Cam, grinning like an idiot.

"What are you smiling about?" She demanded. Cam's face fell immediately.

"Nothing at all, ma'am."

"Good."

"I'm late for sparring with Teal'c. Gotta go." And then he, too, was gone, leaving Carter alone in the corridor. But she wasn't alone for long. A certain dark-haired former thief made sure of that.

"Sam!" Vala practically shrieked. "I'm so glad to see you! Do you know how bored I am?"

"More bored than usual?" Carter questioned.

"You have no idea! Can you take me shopping again? Please? Please, please take me shopping?"

"Vala, I can't. I'm…busy."

"Doing what?"

"I'm…well…" Carter was unsure of letting Vala in on the conversation that had just occurred. But although she tended to be quite…hyper, Vala was smart. If anyone could help her discover the truth, it was Vala. Daniel wouldn't budge, Cam thought it was hilarious, and Teal'c was…well, Teal'c. _Here goes nothing_, Sam thought as she told Vala what had happened.

"I see…" Vala's eyes lit up at the thought of such a challenge, for more satisfying than monetary transactions ever could be. "Why do you want my help, though? I mean, I'm flattered, but…you're the smart one."

"I'm…science smart, but not so…_detective_ smart. Please help me?"

"Of course, what are friends for? Obviously, the first person we need to talk to is Doctor Lam."

"Lam? Why?" Sam questioned as the two moved towards the infirmary.

"You really aren't good at this sort of thing, are you? But never mind. We need to talk to Lam to see about this "Carver." To see if it's true."

"Carver serves on SG-4. I didn't know General O'Neill knew him."

"Well, obviously _he_ does. We need to know if Lam does." They were outside the infirmary now, and Sam was suddenly nervous.

"Wait. Maybe we shouldn't do this. What do we say to Lam?"

"We can't stop now! This is fun!"

"This is your idea of fun?" Carter whispered sharply.

"Why are you whispering?" Vala whispered back.

"Because…I don't know." Carter's voice resumed its normal volume.

"Hmm…what do we say to Lam?" Vala screwed up her face in concentration.

"Well?" Sam was impatient.

"_We_ don't say anything! We get someone else to. Where's Mitchell?"

"_Mitchell?_" Carter was incredulous for the second time today, a somewhat rare occurrence.

"Yes, Mitchell. Isn't he sparring with Teal'c?"

"Yes, but I don't…"

"You don't have to. Come on!"

Carter sighed and followed Vala.


	2. Chapter 2

_Whoa. I wasn't gonna upload this chapter for a while, but I have had so much interest I decided I had to. Glad everyone's excited by this! Enjoy!_

"I'm a little…busy…right now!" Mitchell said when they approached him, struggling with a massive Jaffa.

"Cameron, please?" Vala pouted and implored the leader of SG-1.

"That face ain't gonna work on –aah!" Teal'c cut Mitchell off by slamming him to the ground and knocking the wind out of him.

"You allowed external stimuli to interfere with your concentration. In a real combat situation…"

"Yeah, I gotcha. Help me up, T."

"Indeed." Teal'c offered his hand and pulled Mitchell to his feet.

"Alright, what do you want, Vala?"

"I want you to ask Dr. Lam out." Vala said simply.

"Vala!" Sam exclaimed.

"Trust me, Samantha. Cameron?"

"What?"

"Ask Lam out."

"Uh…why?"

"Well, don't you like her?"

"Vala, what are you trying to pull?"

"I'm trying to solve a mystery."

"A mystery? What does it have to do with Dr. Lam?"

"It has more to do with her feelings. Towards a certain…Lieutenant Carver."

"Vala, what in the blue blazes are you talkin' about?"

Vala sighed and explained. Mitchell rolled his eyes.

"That makes no sense whatsoever."

"Actually, Vala, Mitchell's right. Just let it go." Carter said despondently. "It was just an offhand comment."

"Sam! What happened to 'please, oh _please_ help me, Vala!'?"

"I…"

"Come on. Besides, Cameron was already going to ask Lam out. He told me this morning."

"I did not!"

"Liar."

"Thief."

"At least I was honest about that."

"Vala!"

"Fine, Cameron. If you don't want to help your friends, then I'll…just…" Vala let her voice trail off sadly and started pouting again.

"Stop it! What are you, three years old? Fine, I'll do it. But only because I was already planning to."

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Vala almost screamed and gave Mitchell a thankful hug.

"Vala!" Was all Carter could say.

"You can thank me later!" Vala sang as she followed Mitchell back towards the infirmary.

"Vala, what are you doing?" Cameron stopped to ask.

"Following you."

"No. Let me do this my way."

"I just want to make sure you do it."

"Fine! Just don't…say anything."

"I'll be completely silent."

)()()()()(

"Colonel Mitchell. What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I'm just…going for a…walk."

"To the infirmary?"

"Yeah, I…uh…" Cameron's voice trailed off as he noticed Vala standing just outside the infirmary motioning for him.

"Ask…her…out." Vala mouthed.

"I'm…_trying_!" Cameron hissed back.

"Is everything…alright?" Lam asked as she looked over her shoulder at Vala.

"Everything's fine, I just, I mean, Vala, umm…do you have dinner plans?"

"I…beg your pardon?" Lam asked, trying to sort out his incoherence. "Are you asking me out?"

"Well, it's just that I had these reservations and my date cancelled…you're not…seeing anyone, are you?"

"No…"

"What about…Carver?"

"Who?"

"Lieutenant Carver…word around the base is you…"

"No. I don't know 'Carver'. I'd love to. Have dinner with you."

"Really? I mean, that's great. Um…I have to go make reservations."

"I thought you already had."

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I have to confirm them."

"Oh…I see…"

"I'll talk to you later!" Cameron ran out of the infirmary, ecstatic.

_Okay, so more could have happened. But please tell me what you think so far. Reviews make fanfiction worth writing!_

_-RedSharkBait_


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